my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
