Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
