dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
