You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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