so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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