we're blogging at a bar
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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