you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
