It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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