Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize