He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
