would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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