About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
