i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
All I want is dick and wine.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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