I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
