a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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