Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I have aggressive nipples.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
