If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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