What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
