You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
