I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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