I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
