I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
