Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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