sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
