I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
