since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
