I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
