You're so nebulous sometimes
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
