ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
