I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This baby is an asshole
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
