i think my tv is drunk
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
