I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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