there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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