We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
