I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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