omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
