She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
