ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
