hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
