I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
MIDGETS
????
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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