I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
