Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+66): View more from Thailand

She said her name was "party"

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(206): View more from Washington

alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.

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(972): View more from Texas

I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course

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(571): View more from Virginia

I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.

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(239): View more from Florida

No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.

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