So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
