he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
