jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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