So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Green mimosas i think yes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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