i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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