I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize