I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
