Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
