College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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