I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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