The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
