you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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