My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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