I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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