we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
