I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How does one acquire holy water?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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