the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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