dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
