Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
