oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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