Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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