sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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