So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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