even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
