i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
