He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
wow bdsm is so cute
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize