at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
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so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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