two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
