I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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