call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
