dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
