God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
