My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
