I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
