Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
