is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
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