He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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