Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
