i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
