So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
