We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
