she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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