I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ketchup is God's man juice
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
