Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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